Chapter 69: “I”

Chapter 69: “I”

I sat on a chair in the police station, watching the mouths of the two men in black-and-white checkered uniforms across from me open and close in turn, as though they were saying something.

The one on the left had an indifferent face, as if he had already seen far too much misfortune. The one on the right was still somewhat inexperienced, and his gaze carried a little pity.

I did not feel pain, nor did I regret thrusting down that blade. At that moment, I had even felt as though I had been freed. The warm blood that sprayed onto me had been like salvation bestowed by a deity.

I only regretted why, when I was young, I had so fanatically pursued money, sacrificing dignity, body, and freedom for it.

During these past few days in the police station, I had gained enough peace to think deeply about that question. My thoughts had become more thorough than in all those many years before.

A will that was not firm enough and a mind that was not mature enough were the roots of the mistake I made, but that did not mean they were the whole of it.

From childhood until adulthood, the education I received had always told me that hard work and struggle were for a large house, full-length windows with ample lighting, more than three servants, a garden lawn that belonged only to oneself, silver or gold-inlaid tableware, dinner parties laden with delicacies, balls filled with melodious music, and so on, and so on.

The newspapers and magazines I read also told me, again and again, that only by obtaining sufficient respectability could one be called middle class, become a pillar of the kingdom, be elegant, excellent, not vulgar, possessing character, and at the same time be someone with compassion and knowledge.

At the same time, they also told me what respectability was. Respectability meant beautiful dresses. It meant clothes chosen for different occasions. It meant expensive skincare products and cosmetics. It meant refined and fashionable women’s handbags. It meant a concert, an afternoon tea, a tasteful gathering.

And once everything was converted, it meant gold pounds, gold pounds, and gold pounds.

It must be admitted that pursuing a better life is every person’s instinct. But when every aspect a girl can come into contact with tells her this, when the mainstream thoughts of an entire society are respectability, refinement, and elegance, it is very difficult for her thoughts not to be influenced.

I do not know what such a phenomenon is called. I only know that, if all this is not changed, tragedies like mine will inevitably continue to appear, and more and more of them.

And at that time, there will certainly be people angrily cursing:

“Look at these gold-worshiping girls. They sold their souls!”

Subconsciously, I turned and looked out the window. I saw a beautiful and prosperous world. I saw the fresh red blood flowing through that world.

“Miss Tracy, are you listening to us?” A voice pulled back my thoughts. It came from that slightly inexperienced policeman.

I smiled at him and did not tell him that I had just been thinking about a few philosophical questions.

How laughable. A gold-worshiping girl who had sold her soul was actually thinking about such boring matters while being questioned by police officers.

That police officer nodded and said to me,

“Miss Tracy, next, you will need to prepare for court. We will arrange a lawyer for you.

“I am sorry. We did not keep that witness here. We only have his statement, and that is quite unfavorable to you.”

“It is all right,” I said to him calmly.

I would work hard to defend myself, and I would frankly repent for the crime I had committed. I only hoped that I could still have a new life in the future.

After thinking for a moment, I raised the corners of my mouth and said to the two officers,

“While I am waiting to appear in court, could you help me borrow a few books from the library?

“Mm, Social Trends and Educational Phenomena…”

At that moment, I saw…